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Testimonies

I was 16 the first time I got pregnant, I thought if my Mom thinks its okay to have an abortion...

THOUSANDS of WOMEN from CANADA, THE USA & Around the World are sending in written testimonies on the pain of Legal abortion physically, emotionally and spiritually. We want to hear from you too!  If you or someone you know is hurting after abortion, please contact us!

CANADA SILENT NO MORE for such a time as this:

1) To REACH women who regret their abortion(s) and men hurting after girlfriends or wives aborted their children...and are suffering from physical, emotional or spiritual pain-and to let you know you are not alone, and help is available.

2) To BRING Education and Public Awareness to the forefront on the harmful after- effects of abortion to women by sharing the information from scientific studies and research linking induced abortion to depression, substance abuse, suicides, infertility, future premature births in subsequent pregnancies and breast cancer etc.

3) To INVITE other women hurt or damaged by abortion to JOIN US and share their testimonies as evidence that abortion does indeed have many negative after-effects on women and it took the lives of our children.

Silent No More Women and Men Speak Out

My favourite song is ‘Amazing Grace’…I was 16 the first time I got pregnant, I thought if my Mom thinks its okay to have an abortion, and the Government thinks it okay ,and the doctors are doing it, then it must be ok…I was dead wrong. Like many women I ignorantly used abortion as a form of birth control… the doctor told me that it was just a “clump of tissue” another lie. My babies had a beating heart, vital organs and perfect tiny arms, legs, fingers and toes at 9 weeks! They also told me it was a “safe” procedure…but I got an infection, damaged cervix, and badly scarred uterus! For years I fought depression, guilt and had unresolved grief. God is so wonderful that he granted me another child, SHAWN, a survivor of my womb…and he is the greatest joy of my life…doctors said that my uterus was so damaged from abortion, that they couldn’t believe I had him! Sadly, we were never able to have any more children.

Abortion killed my children, and has deeply hurt and damaged me also. We hope that young women hearing our stories will now know that abortion is not such a ‘safe’ procedure and that it took the lives of our children. One of my girl friends had 2 abortions then got cervical cancer, many fight deep remorse and depression afterwards. Denise Mountenay, AB..

Men Hurt Too

He tried to talk her out of having the abortion, they had been seeing each other for about two years, and he wanted to marry her, support her and the baby. She was getting pressure from family and friends to abort. "On the morning of the abortion, I was overcome by the sickening feeling that had made itself home to me ever since she found out she was pregnant and began wrestling with what to do about it. It was a toxic mixture of despair, regret, anger, helplessness, powerlessness, and an overwhelming feeling that something utterly tragic was about to happen. Sure enough, when she called a few hours later and told me that "it was done," I felt the impact of the loss with the force of an asteroid slamming into the Earth.

For the next 3 days, I had no interest in eating, drinking, living. For the next several weeks, even months, I could not function at a "normal" level. On the outside I seemed okay, but on the inside I was reliving the horror of what that child went through over and over again. Bouts of uncontrollable weeping would still come over me; I was grieving not only for my lost child, but for millions upon millions that are lost to abortion every year around the world. 

Nearly six years later, I think everyday of what my child would look like now, what laughter would be filling my ears, and what miraculous little moments I would be witnessing, if only. So, despite the criticisms and intimidations from the pro-abortion crowd, I just go forward. I go forward with my pro life work. Work that gives dignity and meaning to the life of my child and, hopefully, to the lives of all of those sacrificed at the alter of "choice."

 

Marlon B.

Kelowna, BC

Here are some other women who are brave and courageous enough to share their personal pain of abortion in order that the TRUTH will be told once and for all.

“Thank you Denise for your awesome book. I am eating it up, especially all the info on pre-borns(photos) & abortion details. I plan on sharing with Church & whoever will listen. It does my heart good to know you do so much & are so committed.” Melody from Ontario

Dear Denise and Team!

Hi there, I watched 100 Huntley street today and was blessed by the segment featuring Denise sharing on the organization “Canada Silent No More” your website if great www.canadasilentnomore.com I wanted to connect with you and let you know that I am thrilled for what you are doing. I had an abortion in my teen years which was devastating. I suffered in silence for years. Jodi from Saskatchewan

Connie T, from Ontario says, “The fact that I killed my own babies destroyed me. I was suicidal after the abortion and had a nervous breakdown. I struggled with drugs, promiscuity and prostitution because of my poor self identity. The grief is real. Don’t do it, you’ll regret it, It’s your baby. Let me help you bring your pregnancy to term.”

Roberta from N.B. says it was the only pregnancy she ever had. After the abortion she felt like a piece of dirt, used, unworthy and betrayed by her boyfriend. She got clinically depressed and would sleep all the time, she wanted to kill herself, she had deep regret and remorse about the abortion. She had nightmares and has not been able to conceive since. She is now 40 years old. Go to a pregnancy counselling centre, get the facts on fetal development and all the risk factors…abortion is emotionally damaging to women, and the unborn are people too. Her mother and aunt both had breast cancer and she is afraid of her high risk due to her abortion.

Vicky had an abortion when she was 23. She was traumatized by the procedure and it brought guilt, remorse and depression. She has also had two cysts removed from her breast and is very concerned about women not being informed about the truth.

Kelly Aquilon from B.C. says that after her abortion she went into denial, trying to block it out, but feelings of emptiness, anger, sadness and remorse began to surface. She hated herself, and says her abortion destroyed her child’s life and her life too.

S.H. from B.C writes that for years she tried to kill the pain of her abortion with alcohol.. When she discovered the truth about what was developed ten weeks after conception, it traumatized her. They told her it would be painless, and over soon. They lied. She cried often and still mourns the loss of that child

Heather Dalzell from Alberta writes: “After my abortion I had a major sense of loss and guilt, I withdrew from family. I could not bond to my step children, and I had no peace. Abortion murdered my baby, it was wrong, but I thank God for His mercy and forgiveness towards me.”

A.N. writes: “I still feel physically sick when I remember this period of my life…After the abortion I cried uncontrollably, from the shame, guilt, remorse, sadness, anger and depression it has left me, but as hard as I try-27 years later-it is as fresh as the beginning of the nightmare.”

Kathy W. writes: “My abortion brought tremendous guilt and shame once I discovered the truth about fetal development. It is something I can never undo, I have to live with this for the rest of my life and know that I had my baby killed.”

Lorie Sprokkreeff writes: “Abortion brought major depression, feelings that I was a bad mother. I pretended for many years that I wasn’t hurt by the abortion. Yet, I punished others, my husband the father of our aborted child, and our live children. It will effect us for the rest of our lives. We are the parents of a dead baby.”

J.D. writes: “I have suffered long term depression, had flashbacks and nightmares of my abortion experience. It affects the way I parent my son, I know that is why I am so overprotective of him…abortion should be illegal."

Linda G. writes: “Shortly after my abortion, I told my doctor I wanted to be sterilized to ensure that I would never have to go through another abortion. Canadians should protect children in the womb, it is wrong.”

Lucie T. from Alberta says her abortion left her physically, emotionally and spiritually crippled. She fought depression and loathed herself after the abortion, and also got a tumor on her left ovary. It affected her sexuality, because abortion is connected to sex!

Bianca B from Ontario says she has a badly scarred uterus, and got a tumor called a molar pregnancy. She got an infection, fought depression, and says she is forever linked to those babies as their mother.

Noelle writes: “After an abortion at 19, the guilt was unbearable, my self-esteem was shattered and I was an emotional mess. I went into a depression couldn’t stop crying and had to quit my job. I had severe nightmares, was self-destructive and found myself in abusive relationships. A baby will never hurt you, but an abortion will traumatize you!”

Janelle writes: “I thought it would solve my problem, but abortion made me feel guilty, felt worthless, I hated myself, I couldn’t sleep, I was full of anxiety, and anger, I got depressed and had to go on medication because I aborted my child. Children should have a right to live, they are human beings too. Two wrongs do not make a right.”

C.M from Winnipeg writes: “I tried to pretend it didn’t happen and justify it in my mind for ten years after. I was only 14 and my parents pressured me into it. I did experience anger towards them, low self-esteem and depression after the abortion. I have had a lump removed from my breast and worry about the breast cancer link too.”

Laurie from Saskatchewan writes: “I was pressured by my boyfriend and parents to abort, but I got severe depression after the abortion and thought of committing suicide several times over the next 16 years. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of that abortion and my dead baby. I went into premature labour with my two sons at only seven months gestation. Abortion hurts women big time, and takes an innocent life.”

If you would like to share your pain of abortion please fill in our QUESTIONAIRE and send your story/testimony to: denise@canadasilentnomore.com

 

 

 

Or mail it to

CSNM,

107 Discovery Ave.

Morinville, AB.

T8R 1N1

Or call (780)-939-5774

Are you pro-choice? At age of 15, I “chose” abortion to terminate an untimely pregnancy. I made this decision because I heard that abortions were readily available. That meant if some people in society thought that abortion was O.K., then it must be O.K. & my life would resume as before. I made this decision because I didn’t know the truth that “the fetus” or “the pregnant tissue” was really a baby, my baby!.

In reality my 13 week old little girl was very well developed, complete with all her body organs, right down to fingernails & her own unique, distinctive appearance. I didn’t know she was very active, turning frequent somersaults, back flips, scissor kicks, sucking her thumb, showing expression such as wrinkling her forehead, turning her head & sensitive to pressure, heat, light & pain. Her name is Abbagail Rose.

This “choice” has brought 36 years of horrific pain. This “choice “brought frequent flashbacks, thoughts of suicide, hospitalized depressions, relationship problems , a nightmare of being covered   in my baby’s blood & much grief… I truly regret my abortion.

My pregnancy was the result of being set-up on a blind date, losing my virginity & being raped. These experiences pale in comparison to the experience of abortion. The fact that I was 15 years old, did not justify ending my child’s life. I know many women today who’s early, “teen pregnancy” children are being enjoyed & living full, productive lives, while I now reflect on the loss of my “teen pregnancy” child. Abortion has negatively impacted every area of my life & those I love.

This ugly secret I will hold no more! Abortion has to be the greatest crime against women & humanity in our generation. Over 2 million little ones have been aborted in Canada since 1969. Right now as you read this, 300 “Abbagail Roses” are being aborted each day in our nation, in such a grisly manner as this & worse. That means 300 women will be sent home after an abortion to process for the rest of their lives, the “choice” they made to end their child’s life. The unending pain is not worth it.

There are deceptions blatantly advertised, such as calling human life, “pregnancy tissue”. The majority of abortions take place from 7 weeks on when the fetus is fully recognizable as a human baby & very alive and active. Just as a1 year old child is still developing, but every bit a real human citizen, so a fetus that is still developing is still every bit a real human being. A person is a person no matter how small.

When a mom realizes she is pregnant & is considering abortion, what she needs is our love & celebration for both her & that beautiful “little one”& the sacred connectedness they share. She needs to see & understand the development of her baby. She needs to hear testimonials of women who have experienced abortion. She needs to know the stats on the physical, psychological, emotional & spiritual aftermath of women who have aborted. Mostly she should know that there is much loving support out there to raise her child & that she can begin that wonderful, life giving experience immediately. Having children is healthy for women & abortion is unhealthy. Abortion should not be a choice…it should be unthinkable!

On behalf of Moms & babies who’s fate is abortion, I urge you to please act on behalf of these most fragile, innocent members of our society. Abortion is really the stalking down of an innocent life, with the intent to end that life in a bloody, brutal mutilation. The child is sacrificed . This is a very unnatural, selfish action, without justification. It is an evil act & the highest form of double abuse, not only for the baby but also for the woman, even when it is her “choice”.

As a mother I think of my children everyday, including Abbagail Rose. She would have been 36 this year. She would have given much to this world. I pray that this story & remembrance of her would help put an end to abortion. I miss her.

As I continue daily to work through the pain, I also have hope of reuniting with her, thanks be to Jesus!

“For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.” 1 Thessalonians 2-5 NIV   Thanks for listening...Melody A.

[Louise didn't tell her husband she was helping her daughter have an abortion, and now feels she can't tell him the truth]

You are not alone...you can talk to us...we can relate...call 1-888-777-5503

 

A Grandfather’s Story

by Jim Kaine

You might ask what qualifies me to speak on the topic of destroying life in the womb. The words I am about to speak to you are

my words; they are from my heart. I am a father of two daughters and a grandfather of two grand-daughters.

I have a heart that is saddened when I think of the two lives that were destroyed by the decision of my two daughters to end

their second pregnancies by what the world calls: abortion.

Why is my heart sad? It is sad because when I look at the two beautiful granddaughters that I have now, I cannot help but

think of the two lives that were destroyed in the wombs of their mothers, that would have been just as beautiful, full of life and

love and able to touch my heart as well as those around them with happiness.

When Krystal became pregnant for the first time, she was sixteen years of age. I was the custodial parent as her mother

and I were separated at the time. I was the last person to find out about her pregnancy, as she did not know how to tell me.

Everyone that she did tell, told her to have an abortion. When we did talk about it, I told her that I did not believe in destroying

life in the womb, that she should have the baby and I would support her any way I could. It was after this talk that Krystal felt

reassured and agreed to carry on with the pregnancy.

Time went on...and nine months later Alissa was born. Both Krystal and Alissa came home to my house, and as I watched that

little girl grow and smile a few weeks after leaving the womb, to make her cooing sounds, I felt that it was this baby’s way of

singing because she was happy as she laid in her cradle. Baby Alissa stole my heart ten years ago and continues to do so.

When I think of how nonchalantly I hear the word abortion go around conversation, I cannot help but think of the precious lives

that have been destroyed because of it.

I feel that I know I must speak in behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves. If they could speak, I feel that these

words would be some of the words that they would say. “I am in your “house”. Just because you don’t want me here, doesn’t

give you the right to destroy me. You opened the door for me and I entered. I don’t ask for much, just a place to be protected,

a place to grow, a little bit of food and while I’m here I will try to fashion myself like you. I hope to have your eyes and

your hair colour, your smile and your walk, your beauty and your mannerisms, your voice and your dimples. When you get old,

I will look after you. My door will be open for you, and you will be welcome in my house. I wouldn’t want you to be destroyed

because you might be an inconvenience or you might be unplanned, for you are fragile and need to have a safe place. If

there comes a time when I am not able to look after you, I will find a home for you that will take care of you.”

As I have asked to be a part of the Right to Life organization, and am an advocate for those who are alive in the womb, I have

thought more about the two lives that were taken in my daughter’s wombs. I wonder if they suffered much while the procedure for

ending their lives was being performed. My daughters are the same as millions of others who have chosen to use abortion.

They are not evil people. I love them with all my heart. I did not have the opportunity to talk to them before they made their decision

to end their pregnancies and if I could have, I would have told them not to be blinded by what the world calls:abortion.

I would tell them that the life inside them, and I would repeat the word life, was counting on them to protect and love and cherish

them; and that my daughters would get the same back one day from the babies they carried in their wombs. I would tell them that the world is being blinded by the usage of the words abortion, fetus and “terminate the pregnancy”. I would tell them to look at the daughters they have now and ask how they could destroy a life like their daughters. I would tell them that after the baby was born that if they could not cope with raising another child, that there are thousands perhaps millions of people who would give anything to adopt a child.

I would tell them that I am not trying to force them into anything. I would just want them to see things as they really are. I would tell them that no one has the right to end a life as the Canadian Bill of Rights reads, “The right of the Individual to life, liberty and security.” The world might call the growing fetus something other than a “life” and do its best to blind society as to what a ‘life” really is and is not. I would tell them that if they did decide to end the life inside them, that some day

when reality “kicks in” and they have realized what they have done, that there would be a guilt in their mind that would be there for some time, if not all of their days.

Lastly and most importantly, I would tell them that “every little life that God allows to be conceived has a plan and a purpose and a matchless meaning. Just as we cannot decide which way the wind will blow, we have no right to decide which lives are worth living.

I would like to conclude my thoughts with a verse from the Book of Psalms chapter 139.13-14.   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; ..."

 

Luana Stoltenberg , Davenport , Iowa

Testimony before the South Dakota Task Force on Abortion

October 2005

 My name is Luana Stoltenberg and my life has been devastated by abortion.

I have had 3 abortions because I didn’t think I had any other choices. I was 17 years old when I had my first abortion. I was too afraid to tell my parents that I was pregnant so my boyfriend drove me to a clinic that was out of town and out of state.

I was scared to death the entire ride there. I knew in my heart this was wrong. Everything in me cried out saying this is a baby. I was pregnant with a baby.

When we arrived at the clinic I paid my fee of $250.00 cash and was seated in the waiting room with several other girls.

They took each one of us separately into a room to do our paper work and talk to us. The nurse asked me how I felt about this. I told her how I was feeling, that I was sure this was a baby and that it couldn’t be the right thing to do. She quickly informed me that this was just a blob of tissue. In fact she told me that this abortion would be safer and easier then if I carried to term. They were all dressed in white uniforms, and they were the adults, I was the teenager with no medical knowledge or experience. I thought they were the medical professionals, so they must know what they were talking about. I thought I could trust them. So I listened to them. I believed them. I was a scared teenager that needed help, so I went through with the procedure.

 I laid on that cold table waiting for a doctor I had never met to come in and do this procedure on me. I was given no anesthetic for the pain, and even if I would have, I don’t think any amount would have dulled the pain that was in my heart and mind that morning.

The doctor came in and was very cold and unfriendly. He told me to lie still that it wouldn’t take long. He said I would feel a tugging sensation and just slight cramping. He was wrong. It was extremely painful, and I didn’t think it would ever end.

I could hear the increased labor of the suction machine when a part or limb of my baby was being extracted. Each time I tried to sit up enough to see what was going into that jar. To see if it was a baby, my baby, but they kept pushing me back down and telling me to lie still. As soon as the procedure was over they quickly wheeled the jar with my baby’s remains out of the room so I wouldn’t see it.

 They knew it was a baby. They saw her head, and her tiny little arms and legs in that jar. They didn’t go over fetal development with me. They didn’t tell me that my 9 week old baby that they were ripping for my body had a heart beat at day 18, that her brain waves were functioning at day 40. They didn’t tell me that she had toes, fingers, and even finger prints, or that she could suck her thumb, and even feel pain. Why didn’t they want me to know that? Were they afraid that I would change my mind? Would it have been a “wrong choice” if after knowing the truth and all the facts, I would have changed my mind and choose life for my child?

 When the procedure was finished I was sent to a waiting room with the other girls. I was given a cup of juice and some cookies and told I could leave after 20 minutes if I felt alright. In 20 minutes I told them I felt fine, when in fact I had never felt worse. I just wanted out of there. They gave me a tiny little pill to take on my way out and told me it would help shrink my cervix. I was in severe pain on the way home. I lay in the back seat of the car crying and bleeding profusely the entire trip back. When I got in the house I immediately called to tell them about the pain and bleeding. They told me I was no longer their problem and that I needed to call my own physician. There was no way I was going to do that. I was too ashamed and didn’t want my parents to find out what I had done. That was why I had driven all the way up there in the first place. So I painfully laid there and wondered if I would die.

 I did die that day. I died on the table with my baby. The happy, fun loving, compassionate, caring Luana died that day. I was never the same. Never.

I broke up with my boyfriend shortly after the abortion. I couldn’t stand to look at him. It was too painful. He reminded me of the child I had killed. I became depressed and angry. I started drinking heavily; doing drugs, and became very promiscuous. I absolutely hated myself. I thought the only way anyone else would possibly love me was if I gave them sex in return.

My life was spinning out of control. I became pregnant two more times, and choose abortion each time. Each experience was similar to the first, except the second abortion, they actually showed us a slide presentation of blobs of tissue. They told us they were only removing blobs of tissue like what we saw on the slides. That it wasn’t a baby at all.

This second time it wasn’t a professional, medical atmosphere, with adults dressed in white. It was an old two story house in a college town. Those who worked there had on jeans, and tie-dyed shirts, and looked like hippies.

 My third abortion was done at the same place as the second one. Only this time I was so ashamed and embarrassed, I didn’t even give them my real name. I used the name of a friend of mine. I cringe now to think what would have happened if there would have been complications or I would have died. Who would they have called? Would my parents have ever found out what really happened to me?

By this time my life was a mess. After every abortion I would move to different city thinking no one would know me, and maybe I could start over? But that wasn’t my problem. Having abortions didn’t solve any problems. It only created new and larger ones. Abortion didn’t remove the fact that I was a mother. I was still a mother it’s just that my three children were dead and I killed them. Wow, how do you deal with that problem?

The way I dealt with it was more alcohol, more drugs, a deeper depression, a self hatred and self destructive behavior.

I had constant thoughts of wanting to kill myself. I thought of ways I could do it that wouldn’t be painful. Then the thought turned to actual attempts. I tried to kill myself three different times. The first time I tried to slit my wrists and twice after that I turned the gas on in my oven and lay on my kitchen floor, crying waiting for the pain and guilt to go away. Each time friends came banging at my door and interrupted my attempts.

I hated myself for what I had done. I couldn’t run away from myself or live with myself, so I thought I would make myself pay for what I had done. I saw no hope and no way out.

In 1981 I finally found hope and forgiveness in Jesus Christ . I accepted Him as my Lord and my life began to change. Two years later I met a wonderful man and we were married. We wanted to start a family, but we were having no success. I went in for endless tests. I had a laparatomy, and a laparoscopy. Then I went in for a dye test. That is were they put dye through the fallopian tubes to see if and where there are blockages. Again it was very painful and I had no anesthetic. In the midst of the procedure my doctor looked at me and asked if I had ever had abortions. I never put it down on my paper work and would never tell my doctors because I was too ashamed. I admitted to her that I had three abortions. She showed me on the screen where the suction from the vacuum aspirator had sucked my fallopian tubes down like an accordion and spiraled them. One was 90% blocked and the other was 100% blocked. She then told me I would never be able to have children because of the abortions. She also wanted me to have a hysterectomy because she was afraid of the risk I had of having an entopic pregnancy. I was only 26 years old and was trying to process all this information.

She then told me the test was completed, that I could get dressed and she left the room.

I literally laid there paralyzed as I let it soak in, that I would never be able to have children. That the only children that I would ever bare, I killed.

Then I started thinking about my husband. Here was this wonderful man who married me knowing the past I had. How was I going to go out there and tell him that he was never going to be able to have his own biological children because of the “choices” I had made before he was even in my life? I couldn’t think of a single reason why he should have to live with the consequences of my mistakes. I wondered if he would stay with me or if he would want a divorce.

My husband is a man of honor. He stayed with me for better or worse. It was a very hard road ahead of us. There were a lot of tears, a lot of pain, and a lot of sleepless nights. I went through counseling and Bible Studies. I learned how to accept Gods forgiveness for what I had done, and then tried to forgive myself.

 

There was also a lot of anger. I was angry at the abortion workers.

 

I was angry that they didn’t tell me the risks of the procedure and that it could cause infertility.

 

I was angry that they didn’t tell me I would have severe pain every menstrual cycle because of the damage done to my tubes.

 

I was angry that they didn’t tell me the development of my child.

 

I was angry that they didn’t give me all the facts and let me make the “choice” for myself. I thought they were pro-choice .

 

I was angry that they would lie to me, and then tell society that they care about women.

 

I was angry that they didn’t tell me that I might feel immediate relief but I would live with the consequences and pain everyday for the rest of my life.

 

Yes, I had a lot of anger to work through and a lot of forgiving to do.

 

There were also other people in my life that my abortions affected. I called my family together and told my mother and father that they had 3 grandchildren that they would never hold. I told my brother and my sisters that they had nieces and nephews they would never meet and that would never be a part of our holiday gathering and family photos. I asked them to forgive me for altering our family tree and removing generations from our family linage. I asked them to forgive me for changing what was meant to be, and playing God with life.

I want to thank you for listening today and leave you with this though.  The most important decision I would ever make in my life was to spare or to end the lives of my children. The worst decision I ever made in my life was to end the lives of my children by abortion. Abortion is final. I can never take back that decision or bring my children back. Shouldn’t women be told the truth and all the facts before making the most important decision of their lives?

 

Thank you.

Luana S.